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Andrew Dice Clay - “I don't drink to get happy or to forget the....." Quote

“I don't drink to get happy or to forget the pain. I drink to stop the voices in my head. Do you know what's so bad about them, they stutter. Ddddddave... Kkkkkkikikill your papapapapaparents!!”

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Andrew Dice Clay - “There was a coolness about him,....."

“There was a coolness about him, ... He used to wear these sunglasses and these shirts that had pictures of cigars on them. He was the Tony Soprano of Mexicans.”

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Andrew Dice Clay - “Eleanor and I were fighting about her not knowing how to...

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Kevin James - "From there, I tried out for a community theatre play, joined...

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Paula Poundstone - "Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when...

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Paula Poundstone - "I don't have a bank account because I don't know my...

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Paula Poundstone - "I was born in Alabama, but I only lived there for a month...

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Jay Mohr - "Fantasy football is not only a good thing, but a great thing. "...

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Jay Mohr - "I hate golf. I do not understand how anyone can enjoy it, much...

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Jay Mohr - "I never minded George Steinbrenner spending obscene amounts of...

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David Cross - "As for Tenacious D, of course it could work as a....." Quote

"As for Tenacious D, of course it could work as a full length movie; all it requires is a great writer and great director with an ability to think outside of conventional film comedy."

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David Cross - "Besides if people really want to support the troops they would...

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David Cross - "I also try to think of ways to articulate the joke more...

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Drew Carey - ""As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want...

"As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with your life, it should never have to do with the government. You should never depend on the government for your retirement, your...

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Drew Carey - "But I don't want to lose touch with things like eating in Bob's...

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Drew Carey - "Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows,...

"Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face."

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Drew Carey - "Everybody in Hollywood loves symbolic gestures. " Quote

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Norm MacDonald - "I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in...

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Norm MacDonald - "I'm not gay, so I don't know much about Broadway musicals....

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Howie Mandel - "Everything runs its course. We had told a....." Quote

"Everything runs its course. We had told a lot of stories that happened in our life. My kid was getting older, and we were running out of stories to tell."

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Howie Mandel - "I am beloved by millions. " Quote

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Howie Mandel - "I was totally involved in Bobby's World from the....." Quote

"I was totally involved in Bobby's World from the time we started the idea to sitting with the artists on how he would look, to the script meetings, the music, the lyrics, the songs."

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Dick Gregory - "And we love to dance, especially that....." Quote

"And we love to dance, especially that new one called the Civil War Twist. The Northern part of you stands still while the Southern part tries to secede."

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Dick Gregory - "Hell hath no fury like a liberal scorned. " Quote

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Dick Gregory - "I am really enjoying the new Martin Luther King Jr stamp -...

"I am really enjoying the new Martin Luther King Jr stamp - just think about all those white bigots, licking the backside of a black man."

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